Tantrum Conundrum
When child-like faith creates child-like frustration
I want to throw a tantrum.
There, I said it.
I want to throw the biggest tantrum the world has ever seen: Screaming in public, throwing fistfuls of food across the room, and letting every ounce of emotion pent up inside me out for the world to see. Why? Because I’m tired of feeling like a child. Ironic, isn’t it?
My parents raised me to be a highly independent personality. I am the eldest-daughter of the eldest-daughter of the eldest-daughter—and if that doesn’t paint the picture clearly enough, I don’t know what could. Being independent and calling my own shots is practically in my DNA. I like reliability, incremental success, and lists. So, as you can imagine, when God told me that this was going to be a season of building faith, I was not exactly pleased.
Faith means that I don’t get reliability. I don’t get to call my own shots and I certainly am not experiencing any significant amount of independence. Faith means getting rid of your agenda, goals, and ideas of success and replacing them with whatever God places in front of you, whether you like it or not. Think of it like those vegetables you were given as a child that you didn’t want, but your parents insisted they were good for you. Ultimately, faith requires forcing yourself to become a child again.
That’s the part that I’m struggling with.
You see, I’ve always loved my independence. Even as a little kid, it was a battle to get me to conform to someone else’s agenda once I had already designed my own. But now that I have graduated college, my friends are getting married, moving across the country, and securing their dream-jobs, not having that same independence is a little extra painful. I feel behind. It is almost as if I aged backwards somehow, regressing into a completely dependent, helpless kid. I hate it! (she says, stomping the ground with her hands balled into fists)
I’m tired of being treated like a child, and it is turning me into a child.
This season is teaching me just how difficult true faith really is. It is so much deeper, so much more intimate than mere belief. God has put me in a situation in life where I quite literally have to fully rely on Him at every turn. He has not given me the option to even pretend to rely on myself. I am completely and utterly at His mercy.
And if I’m honest, I don’t like it one bit.
The sinful part of me is raging against the lack of control that faith requires. It wants to call the shots, to have at least one hand on the reins of my life. But God has said no, so I force my hands to stay folded in my lap instead of taking over like they so desperately want to. This lack of control and attempt at faith forces me to sit and think—it forces me to remember what it was like to be a child.
Playing in the backyard while your mom makes dinner for you. Opening up your closet, full of beautiful clothes picked out and purchased by your parents. Being driven to school every morning. Not even knowing what a schedule is because you know your parents have it all figured out. In every single situation, we were completely dependent… but I bet you smiled when you imagined those moments.
Somehow, in growing up, we have decided that independence is happiness… but our past is saying anything but that.
It took me a long time before I realized that I had fallen for one of the oldest plays in the book. Our frustrations with feeling like a child are echoed in one of the most famous stories in the Bible… Jonah.
Jonah had been told to do something he did not want to do. (Sounds familiar.) Jonah fought it at first, but then begrudgingly decided to obey. (Familiar, again). Jonah talked to God about his frustrations and complaints. (Definitely familiar.) Even through all of Jonah’s complaints and disobedience throughout the process, God still decided to show him mercy and grace. In his frustrations, God provided Jonah shelter “to deliver him from his misery” (Jonah 4:6).
We forget that last part is familiar, too.
Even while throwing a short-sighted, selfish tantrum about his own wants and desires, God loved him enough to take pity on him and give him relief from his misery. And in case you missed it, that “misery” he was in was quite literally handcrafted by God with the intention of eventually becoming a beautiful revival in the city of Ninevah.
How interesting that a situation that Jonah considered a personal hell was designed by the Creator to be a stepping stone to Heaven for thousands of souls.
Rebranding God’s loving handiwork as selfish misery... not a habit I want to get stuck in.
Yet, here I am, complaining to you about the situation God has me in right now, frustrated about my lack of independence and perceived professional success. That sure sounds like a childlike tantrum rather than childlike faith to me… and I think it is a more common problem than people realize.
We get fatigued from faith. It is such an active, wholly encompassing commitment that we don’t even realize how much faith takes out of us. Because while it fills our soul and connects us to God in a deeper way than anything else, it naturally takes from our flesh. Faith fights flesh, and flesh fights faith. When one side of you is winning, the other is dying. At first glance, that may sound like a detrimental issue, but Scripture says differently.
Romans 8:13 says, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”
According to this verse, our childlike tantrums stemmed from faith fatigue are actually to be expected. Our bodies were designed as flesh, and therefore naturally rely on fleshly solutions to our problems. In other words, our body is always going to try to convince us that we know best, we need control, and we need to know what is going on. But faith says differently.
Faith tells us to be a dependent, helpless child. Satan knows how powerful our neediness for God really is. His last and greatest defense is to use culture to brand it as something to be embarrassed of, as if it is weakness in it’s purest form. That is the only way to distract us from the power that our dependency truly holds. Neediness is where God enters the picture and transforms our weakness into His strength.
What would happen if instead of rebranding God’s handiwork as misery, we rebranded our neediness as holy opportunity?
I’d like to edit a small section I wrote earlier in this post. Originally, I said this: “But now that I have graduated college, my friends are getting married, moving across the country, and securing their dream-jobs, not having that same independence is a little extra painful… It is almost as if I aged backwards somehow, regressing into a completely dependent, helpless kid. I hate it!”
Now, I’m going to rebrand with a holy opportunity mindset.
“God has unique opportunities and paths designed for me in the future that He is actively laying the groundwork for. If I was living the same life as everyone else, my future would look the same as everyone else. Even though that is a beautiful life, God has picked a life that fits my calling better. I am not behind, because that would be impossible when walking the path God has designed for me. I have asked for a future that only God could provide, so naturally, I am completely dependent on God to provide it. He is preparing all the pieces and while He does, I will sit in His shelter and wait for His power to show through.”
Did you catch how the same factors are at play, but this time, my faith is childlike instead of my frustrations and fears? That rebranding changes everything. No tantrums needed here… not when my Father has covered everything I could ever need.
Key Takeaways:
Faith fatigue is real. Faith is opposite of what our fleshly bodies were designed for. If you’re feeling it, it probably means you’re doing something right. Keep going and stay alert!
Rebrand your frustrations into holy opportunity. Getting rid of culture’s parameters of success is paramount when seeking a life that God can use to grow His Kingdom.
Neediness for God is a strength, not a weakness. Let Him be the Father that He wants to be for you. Don’t take those blessings from Him because you are too concerned about what the world might be calling you.
John 6:63, “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life.”
Neediness is a gift. What a blessing it is to feel like a child—what a blessing it is that our Father loves us that much.
You hit the nail on the head. I am going through a similar process that you are, and I am nowhere near being as eloquent as you put it. After 27 years as a scientist, my life has changed, and I know God has plans for me. I want control, I want it my way. But God has a path he wants me on and it's in His timing. I look forward to the opportunities He has planned for me.
Much to think about here. I am prone to "inside" tantrums that cause stress and ulcers. Growing up, my every move was watched (preacher's kid) and I was never allowed to have visible anger issues. So, I steamed inside instead. But God seems what others can't and He knows when you are pretending an attitude. The writing helped me take a hard look at what makes me angry and want to lash out and how I need to work on turning that around like you suggested. keep the encouragement and ideas coming, girl.